So the week has whirred by like the propellers of my gulfstream.

A few of you may remember that I was asked to star in a new Broadway show the other day, which the producers are subsequently planning on making into a movie (and I was asked to star in that too, remember?) Well, I went to see Mr. Jewish Art House Multi-Millionaire Producer at his swanky midtown offices today, to discuss this further. I mean, I know this could be a HUUUUUGE opportunity, not to mention an SUV of freshly varnished Mr. Benjamin Franklins - so what's a girl gonna do but check it out, right?

His office is the kind of plush, modern art-decco establishment that more resembles something out of Gordon Gekko's Penthouse trading floor in the movie Wall Street than it is anything to do with the humble makings of a theater production company. Everyone smokes inside, even though that's like, completely forbidden in New York City. Montechritos, Havana II's, Romeo & Julieta's with the tobacco cut out through the middle and a stash of skunk or weed crushed into the middle of Cuba's finest; the place is brimming with smoke, Martinis, and scotch.

I swear you could be at a mid-day cocktail party, if it wasn't for the soft brimming of the phones and the clickety-click of the Mac Powerbooks everywhere. Naturally, as always, I was showed the door right in, with the limo chug-chugging it's black exhaust up into Gotham City's awesome skyline. (Right here, in the middle of the high-rises, we don't really care that oil prices are ascending at the rate of the next fastest-built six star hotel in Dubai or Shanghai - we keep the cars chugging their shit outside for the Great & Glorious, for the Celebrities such as myself. Sound arrogant? MAN, THIS FUCKING CITY IS ARROGANT. This whole fuckin' SCENE - LIVIN' THIS GODAMN DREAM - is arrogance on oxycontin and xanax and speed!)

Mr. Jewish Art House Multi-Millionaire Producer was dressed, as always, for the occasion: light black fitted Armani suit, no tie, crisp pale cream Brooks Brothers shirt and Gucci lofas. Tres NINETEEN NINETY NINE, mes cheries!

MR. JEWISH ART HOUSE MULTI-MILLIONAIRE PRODUCER: (Oh, ya, I almost forgot, chomping on the LARGEST cohiba in the room, as if to create a cheap phallic metaphor for his power, wealth, fame and success ...) Soooooooooo, Sweetie - ya thought over our offer??

A BLONDE FASHION AVENUE PA OF SOME KIND WALKS IN, GIVES HIM SOME GODDAMN PAPERS, INTERRUPTING MY LINE OF THOUGHT. I fucking hate it when that happens.

BLONDE FASHION AVENUE PA: ... And also, I'm sorry sir, I forgot to tell you earlier. That. Umm ... (Intimidated by my fame and fortune, I am sure, she trips over her words). Uhh ... ya, your wife called.

MR. JEWISH ART HOUSE MULTI-MILLIONAIRE PRODUCER: Which one? (ROARING with laughter like it's the funniest thing he's heard since, like 1999. By the way, the wife is some 20-something society girl. Ya, she's a fuckin' TROPHY!)

BLONDE FASHION AVENUE PA: Sir? (I gotta laugh now, 'cause this is great; the bimbo fucked up!)

ME: I tell ya what, honey, can you give us ten then tell his ... third, right?

MR. JEWISH ART HOUSE MULTI-MILLIONAIRE PRODUCER: Gimme a break, sweetheart, SECOND! SECOND!

ME: ... Second wife that I'd love to come to the party Thursday night?

MR. JEWISH ART HOUSE MULTI-MILLIONAIRE PRODUCER: She invited ya? That girl just can't get enough of tha' society thing. I thought the place on Central Park would be enough, but it's just made her more hungry. HUNGRY for enemies, more like ... (At BLONDE FASHION AVENUE PA). It's okay, you can get outta here ...

BLONDE FASHION AVENUE PA: (At me) It's really cool to meet you, by the way!

ME: Can I get some ice water - or do you only have Martinis and gins here?

MR. JEWISH ART HOUSE MULTI-MILLIONAIRE PRODUCER: Last I read you weren't so impartial to the occasional alcoholic beverage, mademoiselle?

ME: I'm not, I just like to save it all up for the evening. (Throwing him a wink). Okay, what I'm gonna make outta this whole thing?

MR. JEWISH ART HOUSE MULTI-MILLIONAIRE PRODUCER: Ten, fifteen. Maybe more. (In this world you absolutely NEVER use  the extension "million"; you assume everything is million plus. I mean, the gulfstream is ten grand a day to run, for Christ's sake!!)

ME: I like it. How long I gotta do the Broadway thing for? 'Cause like, the reality TV show thing is gonna come round Fall, then I got -

MR. JEWISH ART HOUSE MULTI-MILLIONAIRE PRODUCER: Fuck the reality show! Do this!

ME: I can't ... I committed.

MR. JEWISH ART HOUSE MULTI-MILLIONAIRE PRODUCER: (sigh) Ya' gotta do at least two seasons here - sometime next year. We'll give you two for that, I guess. And I'll get ya' a nice place to stay. Ya' can keep the wife company. On second thoughts, you can stay the hell away. You two together would be serious trouble. 

So, I guess I'm doin' it then? And that wraps up the week My Darlings ... whadda whadda whadda week!

I Love You All, Really ...

Your Anonymous Celebrity 'x'

Comments

If you are doing the show - congrats dear

[pinkpau]

mid day cocktail parties. yum :)

cmon, give us a clue to your identity!

[nubs]

hey if u are who i think u are,
the motorcyclists must be a moron to hit u.
hope you're okay.
p/s: do the 'L' sign to TMZ papparazzzoo

hearts hearts ♥

[PISSED OFF!]

you owe me and my friends an apology for destroying our lunch. you saw the paps gathering,yet u still had to sit outside. the whole situation could of been avoided, but GOD FORBID, ur a selfish CUNT.Luckly, ur next movie will bomb and u will be considered a wash-up, thus forgotten..and ur little man look stupid doing that with his phone....

[May Zhee]

Gawd ... update already ... what are you doing anyway? Hitting on random chicks on the internet or something?

Assuming you're still bisexual.

cool blog !

[Stac]

Where you been ma? I'm sure u got some new cool stories to share. And ur looking good!

[Prerideodia]

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