Anonymous Celebrity:

And I am HERE:

Guessed where yet??? I gotta tell ya, I just looooove THE APPLE!! It's cool, swish, swanky, dirty, melifulous in a kinda avant garde way ... and it smells of goddamn MONEY! This is the place you come to realize your dreams, the place where money smells like sugar cane (in Los Angeles, money smells more like a car exhaust, or that sanitized universal smell of a hotel penthouse bathroom). Here in New York, money smells like LOVE, boys and girls ... New York is a place to get straight, get clean, get wrecked, get rich, get laid, get lucky, get happy! And in one way or another, I'm kinda doing all those things at once! New York is also the kind of place where you can grab a moment - even the briefest moment in time - of sanity, of peace ... that's unlike L.A., too. Art is everywhere, in the most unlikely of places like here:

Speaking of art ... they asked me if I wanna do this new broadway show today. I just don't know ... it's like I have this reality show thing in the works, plus the romcom, plus the album, plus a load of my other sideline ventures (as a celeb sideline ventures are a MUST HAVE, profitable or not, sort of like a lil pooch dog and a Prada bag)!

Anyways, this broadway show ... so yeah, this producer got really aggressive when I told him the above (what i just told you):

PRODUCER: When ARE you going to take yourself seriously, and start becoming a real actress, instead of fucking around with all the bullshit that you've been doing in the last few years. Look at name removed, she totally dried up because she refused to do the Woody Allen two years back ... and now she can't get hired FUCKING ANYWHERE in Hollywood. Baby, Bollywood won't even take ya' if ya' don't start takin' yourself seriously ...

ME: And how the hell does a broadway show make me more credible as an actress?? It's not like I'm gonna be Woody Allen's leadin' lady any time soon, doll -

PRODUCER - Broaaaaaaawdwaaaaay, DOLL, is serious theater. Next to London, it says: (waving his arms in the air like a circus money on speed) HEY WORLD! I CAN ACT!! I'M NOT JUST A PRETTY FACE WHO CAN TURN A TEEN FLICK ONCE A DECADE -

ME: Naaah - broadway says, HEY WORLD, I'M TRYING MY HARDEST TO BE CREDIBLE AS AN ACTRESS -

PRODUCER: Exactly!! Exactly!! And ya' do this, and we'll give ya' 10% of the rights and tha' leadin' part for the Hollywood production -

ME: You mean, there's a movie too?

PRODUCER: Honey, what d'ya take me for? A dego cocksucker? The SHOW is about launching the movie in a year - getting it a place among the culture scene. Then we'll clean up on the movie ... you'll be the leading lady, and ya'll get 10% of the rights? Ya hot right now, honey, smoke it while ya' still there ...

I told him in the end I'd call him back. I love New York. Unlike the common myth however, it does go to sleep. Between like, 4 and 5 am. But the money, the goddamn MONEY ... THAT RULES!

I Love You All, Really,

Your Anonymous Celebrity 'x'

Comments

Intersting, you're in New York.......Hmmmmm, damn am good....I credit the game board Clue...

And, I totally agree about NY..When, I go on vacation, and am ready to return to NY, I always wish that I wouldnt leave the place am vacation at... However, as soon as the plane is landing at JFK and than I see the lights, I snap back to reality and think of how grateful I am, that I was born and raised in New York...I would never leave this place.....

Stac

Posted by: Stac | July 23, 2008 at 03:12 PM