Anonymous Celebrity

Hellloooo my darlings - what a frenetic past two days! Maybe it's been a little too heavy on the partying, but it's been heavier still on the soul. You won't be surprised to hear that I'm working again on an album for the coming winter, which is like, 14 to 17 hours a day of pure studio time.

A lot of people ask me; when you create an album, or a song, how much do you draw on your personal life, on the shit that comes at you in your relationships, on your loneliness, on the media hounding you with photographs 24/7 etc., etc.? While I know artists that literally plagiarize from their own lives, stealing names of real people for songs and movies, stealing intimate moments of their lives (which noone should be privy to other than the two parties involved), I don't tend get involved in all that crap. But of course, you only have your own biography to steal from, so I tend to write more from the absence of what I possess, rather than the substance of it; I write from the center of my exhaustion, from the tiredness and the cocaine nights, and the booze and the OxyContin you feed your body just to get through all that crap.

When I'm performing, I guess it's different. That's probably the only time I'm on a diet of water and salad; other than that, it's a fuckin' roller coaster of cocktail recipes for the all-too-adored. (By the way, talking of roller coasters, did you know there is actually a DATABASE of roller coasters in North America; one might ask - who in the hell compiles shit like that? But then again, who compiles random words and random notes, and puts them together, and calls them a song? We are all eccentric in some capacity...)

... So, when I say that life is taking it's toll on my soul, My Darlings, I mean that my soul is being evacuated towards supplying my work with it's only life-sustaining drug, and my body is slowly being toxed with the classic uncounciled Hollywood medicine cabinet that affords me that narcissistic, yet strangely unselfish cocktail.

I lay in bed last night, alone without my clothes on, the window open high up over the giant, superficial American city I call home, letting the air drift in over my body, my breasts, my hair, and I thought of you, my fans, all adoring me, and what I what I would next write you to you, in melody and in lyric. This was a behind-the-scenes, just for you, for You All, because I love you all, Really ...

Your Anonymous Celebrity 'x'

Oh yeah - while I'm back. One more thing. Those of you - the cynical readers, the publishing naysayers, the critics who shit on my music when it gives MILLIONS and fuckin' MILLIONS of people hope in lives they don't want to be living, while they stacked up in their four-by-fours making out and gettin' off, and getting high and getting laid, those of you who belong to that trashy subset they call the press (because you can't do anything else with your lives but try to wreck those greater than you are) ...

... you can all just FUCK OFF! Yeah, sometimes I'm trashed, and smashed, and you love snapping those cutesy wasted photos of me in the arms of one of my handsome lovers outside West 12th in New York, or Sunset in Los Angeles, or Boujis in London, England ...  but I'm prettier, richer, and ultimately (in the greater sense) I'm worth more than you are as human beings. And here in my yellow panties, with my glass of Merlot, and nothing else; how you would adore me, how you would love to be privy to just a second of this moment, of this view, of this life that I lead, because I am ... always ... (and no matter, I forgive you, and I love you all, REALLY) ...

YOUR A-Celebrity 'x'

It's been some time. I don't want to lament the time past, and many of you original readers have no doubt grown up, gone on to bigger and better things, and are now external to the blogosphere. I won't deny that I didn't leave those of you who were here, originally: I did. The pressures of life simply became to great, too all-consuming to maintain this anonymous lifestyle which my blog affords me.

So ... what have I been doing. Well, some of you will remember that my shrink advised me to write this blog originally, as a kind of outlet for my feelings. So I decided to take on a great project; one that I hoped would release the internal frustration I feel every night, when I'm stuck up here in this same giant, over-decorated penthouse, mulling the skyline of my American city ... the only city people such as I can bear to be in 75% of the time ...

I decided to write a novel. I have to say, it's hard work, and I didn't find it nearly as satisfying as either my work, or this blog. This blog is a place where I can interact with you, with what you feel and who you are tuned into, into the grandest sense. For a year and a half I didn't attend my therapy anymore, but went on a wild binging. I can't say that I've given up any of that crap - if anything, it's got worse. You'll hear how the drink, the drugs, and the insanity of working three days straight on all of it has taken it's toll. I went back to see her; my original shrink. She reminded me of what value is; and I propose that value is simply this: the connection you get inside, outside, and most of all, within the work you produce for an audience.

Well, I'm here, blogging again, so come back every day if you want to hear how it's going. The sun is setting now over the Pacific and I have a party to go to.

And you know that - I love you all, really -

Your Anonymous Celebrity 'x'